Pretending
by Tazbb12
Summary: After years of pretending Tony is finally sick of it all


I am taking the events and conversations from two different episodes and blending them together…hopefully you like my little one shot.

Ziva winced as she turned the light on to her apartment and a new wave of pain careened between her ears. Talk about the headache of all headaches on one of the worst days she had in a long while. She figured she was lucky Ducky actually let her go home with a concussion. All she wanted was a hot bath, her bed and maybe to not wake up for the next 12 hours…however she knew that last one was not going to happen since one of the conditions of her release was Ducky was going to call her every 2 hours to check on her…she didn't even want to think what would happen if she didn't answer one of his calls.

Thinking back on it, the day really hadn't started off so badly but it went all downhill quickly. It started off just like any other day…Mcgee, Tony and Ziva in the bullpen waiting for a call out and catching up on paper work until then. Ziva was frustrated with her computer and grumbling about things, Tony was starring off into space unable to really do anything productive and McGee was happily rolling through his work. He questioned what was wrong with the other two which only sent them off into their usual morning banter. McGee just smirked and sat back to enjoy the show that was Tony and Ziva. He was amazed how blind these two were but he certainly wasn't going to say anything and just enjoy the entertainment while it lasted.

Tony started with a low blow asking if Ziva had her anything from CI Ray over the holidays. Ziva shot back asking why his holiday plans blew up with his ex Wendy. Ziva then out of anger went on to say maybe she had enough of CI Ray and maybe it was over. Tony was shocked to hear this but didn't let it show and luckily a call out came interrupting them.

And that was the highlight of her day.

Just wanting to get to her bed quickly Ziva searched her kitchen for any type of painkiller available….at this rate she would settle for alcohol of the strongest variety to take the edge off. Just as she was able to put her hands on some Advil there was a knock on the door.

"Oh come on," she mumbled with every intention to ignore whoever was at the door, tonight was just not the night.

Grabbing a glass and filling it with water she heard the knock again and this time it was a little louder and a little longer. Clearly whoever was on the other side was no going anywhere anytime soon. Sighing Ziva grabbed her water and Advil and headed for the door.

"Ducky it hasn't even been 2 hours," Ziva said while opening the door. "You haven't even ca….lled," she froze mid sentence seeing it wasn't Ducky.

"So why is Ducky so special as to get an invite," Tony said standing in her doorway.

"Tony what are you doing here?"

"Well, it has been a long day…for some a little longer than others. You going to make me stand out here all night," he asked?

Ziva stepped aside and let Tony into her apartment and closed the door. Suddenly that large bottle of vodka sitting in her kitchen seemed like a good idea. She had no idea what Tony was doing here but she knew it was going to make for an even longer night. Tony turned and saw her pop a couple pills in her mouth and wash it down with water.

"How is your head?"

"It's been better."

Tony nodded getting lost in the memories of the day. When he heard Ziva was walking into a trap he had never felt so scared….ok so that's a lie there were a few moments that ranked right up there and they all involved when Ziva was in danger.

"Well hopefully that Advil you just took will kick in soon and help a little bit. You know you really have to stop getting hit on the head…eventually you might knock a screw loose and start acting like a Barbie instead of my little ninja."

Ziva gave a little smile secretly enjoying when he called her his little ninja but never before letting on to it. She quickly composed herself hoping he hadn't noticed.

"Did you just come here to give me a hard time because really Tony I am just not in the mood tonight?"

"I know you had a rough day I really just wanted to see how you were doing. Our conversation got cut short…did everything go ok with Ray."

"If by ok do you mean did I end things then everything went fine yes."

"You ended things?"

"_Ohhh no really…CI Ray," Tony said unable to believe just as him and Ziva were having a deep conversation he called._

"_What do I do? What do I say," Ziva asked clearly confused._

_Tony had wanted to say press the ignore button….after all he had ignored her calls, texts and emails for the last 7 weeks. However he knew that Ziva needed to take this call. She was going to have to deal with him and figure out what she wanted on her own._

"_Start with hello."_

_Ziva nodded and scooted by Tony pausing for a moment in from of him. It killed him to let her pass and not stop her from picking up that phone but he was used to suffering in silence._

"_Hello Ray…._

_Tony couldn't sit there and listen to the conversation. He grabbed his gear and headed for the elevators. Before he passed Ziva's desk he dropped a quick note on it that said Rain Check. Ziva turned back when she heard the ding of the elevator and saw Tony was gone. Her heart sank a little bit and she knew in that moment what she had to do._

"_Ray…I can't keep doing this….I deserve more than this…._

"Yeah I did."

"How did CI Ray take it?"

"He fought it said things would be different but I have heard that all before. As long as he has that job it will be more of the same and he is that job. I don't want someone to have to change to be with me. I want to fall in love with a guy and have it work because of who he is….if someone has to change to make it work in the end someone is going to get hurt."

"I am sorry Zi."

"I know you never liked him."

"Your right I didn't but you did and I am sorry it didn't work out. You deserve the world and not be anyone's second best."

"Thank you Tony. I think I just need a good night's sleep…which won't happen tonight with Ducky calling to check on me every two hours….but I have tomorrow off so hopefully I will be good as new in a couple days. I don't want to keep you from E.J though."

Tony looked at her slightly confused.

"E.J?"

"Yeah I am sure you're going to see her I mean she was injured to and she is leaving tomorrow so you probably want to spend time with her."

"Zi I am where I want to be. E.J and I we had a little something a while ago but she and I are nothing. I checked on her and she is fine she is going to spend some time with her parents and figure out what is next for her….and I know that does not involve me."

"She had a worse day then I did that's for sure."

"God when I heard what happened I think my heart stopped."

"Yeah but she is ok."

"….no Zi when I heard it was you….when I heard you were walking into a trap and then we couldn't find you right away…I swear I am going to put a low jack on you," he said trying to lighten the mood with a joke.

"Low jack," she questioned?

"It's like a gps….when you were missing I think I called every contact I had and wouldn't stop til you back."

Tony knew he had to pick his words carefully as these next few moments could change everything. He thought about running and just making a joke, calling it a night and heading home but he couldn't. McGee was right….Tony was looking for something different…no more waitresses and veterinarians he wanted more.

"I am tired of pretending."

Ziva looked confused and the more she tried to figure out what Tony was talking about the more her head hurt.

"Tony my head already hurts enough I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean you're sick of pretending?"

Tony took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves.

"I am sick of pretending I don't feel anything. I am sick of pretending I am just this playboy with jokes and happy with life. I am sick of pretending to be ok watching other guys come into your life. I am sick of those guys and how they don't appreciate what is right in front of them….god they are so stupid. I am sick of it all Ziva."

"What do you want from me Tony?"

"Something I don't deserve. Who am I? Seriously who am I to stand here in front of this amazing woman and ask for a chance but I know if I don't I will regret it for the rest of my life."

Ziva didn't know what to say. She knew Tony way right….there was something between them but neither had never dared act on it and now here he was asking for a chance….as if her head didn't already hurt enough right now.

"Why now Tony?"

"I don't know…maybe something was sparked in me when you went missing or maybe I realized just how close I came to losing you to another man or maybe I am just sick of seeing you with all the wrong ones when I know I am the right one."

"What makes you think you're the right one Tony?"

"Because I know you Zi….I know you better than any of them. I know your mother gave you your first Star of David necklace and you wear one all the time in her memory and when we have a tough case you often rub it to draw strength from it. I know you're a tough Mossad trained assassin and while you will never forget those skills and that will always be a part of you…that is simply just a part of you…a small part there is so much more compassion and love inside you. I know that you want to find that one person that just gets you all of you. You dated Michael but he just knew you as Mossad Officer Ziva David. You dated CI Ray who knew you as NCIS Agent Ziva David. I know you Zi all of you….my little ninja warrior. I know I am the right one because nothing else matters to me but you. NCIS I would leave it all behind for you….I know I am the right one because you know me just the same."

Ziva couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was everything she had always wanted to hear from a guy but this was Tony. Yes she loved Tony but he was her partner they had each others backs all the time but this was different. Her head started pounding again as her brain went into over drive. She hadn't realized how long she was standing there in silence until Tony made a move.

"I guess I will go," he said not knowing what else to say tonight. "Even if you don't want to give us a shot Zi I will always be there for you…if you need anything just call me ok….just promise you will call."

He kissed her cheek and headed for the door feeling totally defeated. He laid it all out there for her and it didn't look like it was going to work out. Maybe it was too much too soon….after all she did just end things with Ray and she had a long day. Thinking back on things Tony mentally kicked himself for letting it all out in the open tonight.

"Tony wait!"

Surely he must have been hearing things.

"Yea Zi?"

"One question."

"What's that?"

"How are you going to tell Gibbs we broke rule number 12?"


End file.
